Social Capital & you matter

By Koralia Timotheou

Anyone who has dealt with business in any form will confirm that availability and good management of financial capital is key.  What we often do not realize is that our social capital is as important; both in our professional and in our personal lives.  The adage “it’s not what you know, but who you know”, holds of course its wisdom.  It is true that acquaintances are invaluable. Nevertheless, reality is a little more complicated than that.  What, then, is social capital and how can we capitalize on it?

Social Capital is the breadth and depth of human relations.  Regarding the breadth, we encounter various types of relationships: family, romantic partners, friends, professional acquaintances, co-workers, classmates, the teller at the local bank branch, the shop assistant at the convenience store in our neighborhood, the barista at our favorite coffee shop, our social media “friends”.  We have relationships with all these people and each relationship is different and unique.  A healthy social capital requires a large spectrum of relationships.

Breadth of course, is never enough.  Depth and quality are required.  Honesty, reciprocity, support, sharing, are good investments in our social capital.  With due care and good will, our social capital will flourish.  In the professional world, people do tend to capitalize on their circle or acquaintances, whereas in their personal lives they don’t realize its importance as much.  The reason is that in our personal relationships we don't usually have “profitability” in mind.  However, subconsciously, the reason that we socialize is because we are by default social creatures and socializing poses an important human need, such as the need for expression and creativity.  We are therefore investing in social capital, without ever realizing it.

Studies have been conducted trying to clarify our motives when socializing: are we self-centered and aspire to direct benefit? Machiavellians believe this to be the case.  Contemporary researchers though, argue that we don’t necessarily form and sustain relationships to gain something for them but at the same time we draw confidence from our belonging and the potential to be supported.  Therefore, even though our relationships don’t follow precise give-and-take rules, we do expect our social network to support us when we need it.

Each type of relationship has different characteristics and offers different levels of intimacy, loyalty, amicability, partnership, sharing, collaboration, practical, emotional, financial support, or just fun.  Therefore a combination makes up a healthy and prosperous social capital. 

Quality in our relationships is worth discussing.  Not all relationships have the same depth and they are not expected to.  However, intention for reciprocity, if not for altruism, is expected.  If our intention is single sided benefit, with no offering on our behalf, this is detected by our peers.  Body language, vocal tone, actions and reactions, our overall energy, all tell their own story.  You can tell a constructive relationship from a competitive one within minutes of sharing coffee with people. 

On the other hand, we are not supposed to be constantly making ourselves stepping stones for others to advance.  Our relations must not victimize us.  Each party should be able to play both the role of the giver and of the receiver.  Sometimes we are one, sometimes the other, sometimes both simultaneously.  This is a universal, cosmic truth: we are here to give and to receive. 

Finally, it goes without saying that the more we share, the more we gain.  We can never run out of ideas, we can never run out of our personality, we can never run out of being us.  This is one thing that cannot be stolen from anyone.  People are often reluctant to share hard-gained knowledge and information.  They hold tight to their possessions.  But when we hold tight, this holds us back.  It holds us back from sharing, discussing, complementing each other, advancing and growing.  It prevents a huge potential from unfolding.  Sharing, on the contrary, opens us up to discussion and exposure to new ideas and ways of thinking.  The combination of a group’s ability is higher than the sum of the abilities of each individual member, right?  Together we progress further.  We find new solutions to old problems.   

In November 2016, American author, speaker and coach Cheryl Rice initiated the «You matter marathon» *, aiming to create and enrich positive emotions between people and communities and combat alienation and isolation. Thirty “you matter” cards are shared each November by each participant with anyone they feel inclined to: people they know well or people they just briefly encounter. “You matter” cards are shared with the intention of letting people know that they indeed matter, that they are important and that we care.

Up until today: 500,000 cards have been shared, by 75,000 participants, in 70 countries.

The target is to reach one million!

So from this November onwards, we say “you matter” to people because as Will Rogers famously said:

A stranger is just a friend I haven’t met yet.

 * http://youmattermarathon.com/